Off topic, serious.

Long ago, I went through a scare of thinking I had cancer, I went through blood tests, seen doctors. I was lucky enough not to have any problems. I understand more than most of the problems of this world are, mostly all of it focus around money problems. Being open about my 127k debt that I am in, I can see why the world's problems are money. Those tests are not cheap, and since I was still under my parents health insurance at the time, it was covered.

But what if you work, get sick, and loose that health coverage. How are you suppose to afford all the things you need? When you need coverage the most, it goes away. What is the point of having the insurance if it just goes away when you need it the most?

I can look outside my window right now and count endlessly on the people that seriously need it but can never afford it. Something so serious can be so expensive, money is money till the people get greedy with it and only want it all for themselves.

I've been used for money. Oh man, one to many times have I given people money only to realize it was used for drugs or something completely different than what I believed. But to this day I will not stop helping. Maybe not the same people, but if I know someone needs it more than myself...I will give it to them.

As of today I am still jobless, I don't have a steady income, my parents try to help me the best they can but have their own money problems with my mother's heart condition and my father loosing hours at work. I live with my boyfriends parents who are going through some medical issues themselves. My boyfriend works part time and helps me the best he can, but he can't help me pay off my loans. I have only 3k left in savings to get me buy and I can't touch it.

I wont stop helping, I can't. Even if these people don't deserve the help. If they have never done me wrong, than I'll still do my best to show them some kindness. Anything is better than nothing in a time when the world needs something.

--Jamie

Oro?

Oh god, I'm off of deviantart for how many days? And I come back to over 6k messages and pictures to look at. I love you guys!....but no, I refuse to go through that many, I had a very long week and labor day weekend. It ALLLLLL started on Friday, when I had to class to attend! I slept in (finnaalllyyy) only to get a call from my bestie Tatiana so she can stay the night. She comes over only to remind me we are suppose to go to Adventure Island on Saturday. So i had to get myself ready for that, do all the girly things I love (HATE) to do etc. So the next morning we went to pick up her boyfriend Javi and his brother Jaime (think Spanish for his name). From 10AM to 5:30 PM we stay at that park and the Lazy River became our well known friend! I believe we went on every ride, even the little kiddie ones! My feet are still sore but at least I finally got some sun on my legs and tummy. ....and than! (and than,and than,and than,and than,and than,and than,and than) I came home sore and tired. BUT i stayed up extra late to practice songs I had been given at 8PM Saturday to learn for a concert I was playing in Sunday night. Lets just say those are the fastest songs I had ever learned to play on the guitar. Yes, the GUITAR. I play guitar for those of you who don't know. I wish I had someone to record it, I'll ask around for that next time and show you guys. ....and than! (and than,and than,and than,and than,and than,and than,and than) Sunday I was playing the guitar from 9:30AM till 4PM. On Sunday mornings I volunteer my guitar-ieness to the church I grew up with. So the band we are forming more and more doesn't have a name, but we love to rock. Me and the bass player Jaime (yes Jaime from Adventure Island) are trying to get together more often and just play to play, but I think we might do more of that once I am done with school, even if he is in school himself. From 4pm to 5:45pm I had a break to semi-start my laundry at my parents house haha, than i went back to practice more for the concert "LIVE" that started at 6:30PM. Even if it was only 5 songs we played, we made the best of them. Even if the last song I completely made up my tabs out of no where. I just new the song was in G and went with it. (Hahah shhh that's suppose to be a secret!) Monday, I finished my Laundry and played "Monster with my nephew all day, he's three. Than sometime after that I completely chilled out and neglected my art work. and Tuesday, I went to my internship at Fates (clicky link) Humoring the Fates Yes, shameless promotion, I'm sure they don't mind I was there for most of the day. 2PM till 9PM? Ben got me gummy bears I was happy for the rest of the day! So I colored and shadowed my way through some tweens in a scene. I try to do what I can for the day, because I have so much other homework to do (like a paper to write that I haven't started...) I need at least one day to do it with. Tuesdays and Wednesdays are my only real days off. Monday, Thursday, and Friday I have classes and weekends go to practicing guitar for thy band (Carlos should love this entry, he doesn't know I practice or thinks I do ) and this is my week! Why did I put it here? well I felt like it that's why T^T Have a nice day! NO SOUP FOR YOU will post up artwork soon :) -Jamie

This is me, just to be.

Most if you know who I am, but for those of you who don't, my name is Jamie Porazinski. To the date of this blog entry, I am 22 years old and a senior in college. Most people say I come off as a 30 something year old when I get into intellectual talks with them. They think I know and carry myself well beyond my years. Now let me explain why I'm making this entry instead of posting some funny comic drawing or other piece of art work. I'm doing this because I think it might be the only way for people to hear what I have to say, just one person, one woman. I do not just want to ideally stand by and watch this world go through hell on a TV screen. And no, I'm not just someone else sitting by and complaining with out taking action myself. Once college is over, that's when my big plans start. I walk to school when the weather permits (the heat in Florida is dangerous in the summer). I watch the faces of people passing by in their cars. It's so sad, most of them either are on the phone or rushing to get somewhere. If I never took this first walk to my school, I would have never seen the beauty in two small lakes I pass by in my car when I go to school. I can see the fish swimming around, birds and turtles floating in the lilly pads. I was late to class one morning because I just had to stop and sit by a tree to draw it. Since leaving high school, I became someone else, someone different then I wanted to be. In this world, it teaches you once you hit a curtain age, you have to grow up. No more childhood fantasies, no nap times, no play times in the mud, not even being about to climb trees. I remember sitting on the steps to my porch by myself while my mom slept in the day time. I would look up to the three large trees in our front yard and listen to the wind sweep through the branches. Oh mercy, it was beautiful. I'd close my eyes and talk to the nature around me, the pure bliss of being surrounded by something that allowed us to live. I was just a child and knew this concept more then I think I should have. I believe it's the result of growing up very misunderstood and out-cased in most social groups. I had to become someone else, something people would love to be around. I craved friends, so I twisted my image into something else. I think it was the worse around my senior year in high school; and no one noticed. I tired to be myself again, to shrug off the person I didn't want to be, but every time I cracked a joke to my friends, they would look at me annoyed. Most of the time I just received that 'are you stupid' look. I hated it, so then I become quite and reserved to myself hiding away again. No one understood me, at least not till after high school and I finally had a best friend to confine in. I wanted to play, make people laugh, smile. I believe that is the best way to make life something worth while. Some people didn't understand, how I could make jokes when things were upset or sad. But to my best understanding, we need all the help we can get. Life is to short, you have to pick and choose your battles carefully because this world is filled with enough hate and not enough laughter. That day, sitting by the lake and drawing the scenery I started to cry. I felt myself coming back, the playfulness, the child in myself. Oh how I missed her! Memories of me climbing trees and playing pirates with some of the kids on the block starting flooding back to me. Even the hard times in school and being picked on constantly for being so quiet and drawing all the time. I didn't care, I had myself again. I could just be. My nephew was born about 3 in a half years ago. He's something else. I loved it. I see the glow in his eyes that I love to have back in my own life. I never understood why we as humans had to let go of that childhood innocents. It might be because of the environment the world as turned into, but none the less, it doesn't mean we still can't grasp it. I watch as he plays small little games of tossing his favorite stuff toy around, and listen as others tell him not to do that in the house. I feel a tug on my heart, I know they didn't want anything to get broken. I remember playing with my nephew in his room once, he had the blocks out. We started to build something, till it became a wall around myself on the floor. He then began to knock it down and toss the blocks in the air without a care in the world. I giggle and since we were in his room, I joined in. If we had more of a sense to things like this, I believe we would be better off. We get so attached to material things we forget what really matters. We forget what once made us happy. In a world that's so fast pace, we let the things we once enjoyed slip us by. As a child we didn't have to worry about driving to get here or get there. Instead we took what we had at the moment around us and made the best of it. If people stopped and slowed down, we could see the big picture in life. The oil spill in the gulf, the earthquake effects, the hurricanes, people's lives being televised and ruined like they were not even real humans but puppets for our entertainment. Why do we do this to ourselves? Is it because my skin color is different? Or does he not believe in the right God? Does her piercings make you uncomfortable? Is that portfolio out of place at work? I miss being a kid, when things like this didn't matter to us. Maybe if we could all find it again, we could all cry at the same time, with each other.